Day 2 - I Broke

I was ready to come home on Day 2. I had witnessed to much. The poverty is something I have never seen before in my life. I felt useless. I realized how ignorant I was to the world around me. I never realized how wealthy we are in the states. I was ashamed of the house we were going to build. Because it's not what I consider "normal" home or  meet any living standards I had in my mind.  I realized my "normal" was gone. I may never know normal again. I felt disgust for what I was seeing. I felt disgust for my ignorance. I just felt disgust. Day 3 came... I spent some time with Renya, the woman we were building the house for. She took me into her current home. Dirt floors. Dogs. Babies crying. She explained to me that her roof leaks in many places, so when it rains her home floods and becomes muddy. As I looked around, I started to see things from her point. The house we were going to build her was definitely an upgrade. Dirt floors are very unhealthy and unsanitary. As she spoke and shared her excitement with me, I started to get excited for her and her new home. I asked Frank a lot of questions. For example, you see trash all over. So my question was, why can't they even pick up their trash?? Answer: they have no centralized trash system. There is no place to put the trash. Nobody is going to come, pick it up and take it to the dump. We assume things. One may assume they just don't care. They choose to live that way. But the more questions I asked, the more I understood. I met amazing people in Honduras. A part of my heart will always be there. At this point I'm not sure what I will take away from this journey. I know I need to educate myself. To become more aware. I will always be haunted by the living conditions I see. Our animals in the states live better. I also have some very special memories. I would love to share all my stories but it would take up too much room on the blog. There is so much beauty there that's it's a contradiction in itself. I was swimming in the ocean with some of the kids in our group. For a moment I was just happy. I forgot all I had seen. I was just blessed to be sharing this moment with this kids who have become like a family to me. But, that moment was short lived. I look at my pictures. I smile. I cry. We need to be grateful. The only difference between us and the people we ministered to, is we were born here in the states. And we also need to try and step up because in my heart, I know, nobody should ever have to live in the conditions I have seen. It's so much easier to say they "choose" to live that way. But, if you stop and ask questions you'll see the truth, it's not a choice. People invited us into their homes. They shared their lives with us. They will sweep the dirt floor and fetch you chairs to sit in. Here in the states we would have had doors slammed in our faces, let alone be so welcomed. I want you to know there was many good things about this mission. Wonderful people. But, I think it is more important that we look at the living conditions because in my mind, they are unacceptable. So we can just sit back and say that's how they choose to live or we can educate ourselves and see what we can do as a nation to help. "He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God" Proverbs 14:31.